Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
