some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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