so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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