Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I could fuck to npr.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
