evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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