Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
