fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
