You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
