white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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