My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize