even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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