the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
