Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
