Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
