We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
