Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
