Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
