i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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