i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
