he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
