You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
