a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
