what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
