I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
