Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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