Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
