my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
