My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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