If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize