Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
