I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
no you cant smoke seaweed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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