college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
