We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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