oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm both gender and math confused
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
