Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
