The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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