I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
