Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
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Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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