dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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