Im at strip club and am horny
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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