I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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