i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
