Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
