Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
