Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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