If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Are we still banned from the library?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
