matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
PANTIES FOUND
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
