im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
as a side note pls kill me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
