Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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