I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My liver just had a heart attack.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
