Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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