Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize