Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
