After last night, I could never be a politician.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
