it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
