Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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