I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
