I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
