angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
