Please, let me fuck your mom
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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