Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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