All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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