I'm eating all of the evidence.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
