Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
