some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
