That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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