the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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