i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
