My brain says no but my pants say off.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
