Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
