I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
