Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
