I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
