I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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