i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
