he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
