So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
