My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
