dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
