let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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